Review: Legion

Okay let’s get this straight. God has lost faith in mankind so He decides to create a somewhat apocalypse. I say somewhat because it seemed to me that the world itself wouldn’t end, just the human race. Also in the preview itself it was compared to Noah and the flood, which if you believe it literally occurred, obviously was also not an apocalypse. Anyways, this time he decides to send angels but one of the angels, Archangel Michael (I’m not sure which one he is), decides to go against God and save the humans, or rather one unborn baby. So a bunch of random strangers led by Michael hole up in an old middle of the desert diner wait for the angels to attack, oh yeah and angel possessed people, in order to protect unborn baby savior and baby mama, with only a trunk full of guns. So expect a lot of shooting.

Why guns? What the heck are guns going to do against angels? Since when do angels die? And even if angels do die, with guns? I mean really. A human invention designed for the human anatomy. There’s nothing divine in that. The only thing I can think of is the evil behind guns and maybe that evil is what destroys the good of the angels and when angels lose their good they kind of die because they’re not angels anymore… Yeah. I tried. I really did. Also, Why this baby? Michael even says the birth of the baby isn’t enough. They have to teach it to be good. Well, isn’t that every baby? At first I thought it was just written, you know, like the end of Slumdog Millionaire. But then there’s all this talk about changing what’s written and God changes His mind and based on that context, it really shouldn’t matter which baby is needed to save the world.

Now for the flipside. I have to say there were a couple of times that I jumped, though it doesn’t take a lot to make me jump and more than anything, I loved watching the crazy old lady and the ice cream man because it was just so unlike anything I’d seen before. Am I supposed to be scared or laughing? The sound of Gabriel’s horn was intense. The character work actually reminded me a little of Brothers. The acting was good for the most part and it’s a shame the actors had to put their talent into this story and this script. I cared about Dennis Quaid, baby mama, one or two of the diners. But then the other actors were absolutely horrible. You remember the main guy in Tokyo Drift? Yeah, he’s only better in this movie because he doesn’t try to speak any Japanese.

I know some people are saying this is blasphemous. I can’t go that far. If you believe in any of the Abrahamic religions then you know that angels play a big part in any apocalypse and God has done mildly apocalyptic things in the past. The flood and the plagues on Egypt and I don’t know but the eviction of mankind from paradise seem pretty severe. And angels only do what God wants of them. Azrael brings death to humans but he is an angel and the devil was an angel at one point, perhaps there will always be something angelic about him. And I’m not totally sure (and I’m not sure if all three religions believe in them) but what are the four horsemen of the apocalypse?

Anyways, interesting idea. Bad story. It’ll give you a cheap thrill if you don’t mind wasting the other hour of your life.