Review: Splice

Okay I watched this movie a while ago and am only writing this review now because I think it's the kind of movie you need to sleep on for a few nights before you really understand any of it. You know, until the nightmares about alien babies stop. Actually, I think it's the kind of movie you need to watch two or three times before you understand any of it but $11.50 is a bit much for me being unemployed and all. It's my belief that the price of your average movie ticket without discounts or 3D should be no more than the current hourly minimum wage for the state. So somebody write that into a law already. $23 for the both of us? I could've gone to that Mates of State concert with that.

While looking at the showtime listings on the marquee, my friend and I started talking about how there's no more originality left in Hollywood, a conversation I hear many other people have been having lately too. Well, we wanted originality and by George, I think we got it. Splice is an indie, sci-fi, horror-ish, drama about two scientist lovers creating then raising a human animal hybrid child sprinkled with quite a bit of incestual soft core porn. Taking this into consideration, I find it interesting that more than anything it is a movie about family relationships. Mothers, fathers, lovers, brothers, children, yes, even pet owners. These relationships are supposed to be about love and caring and other good things so how exactly does it all end up so horribly for every one of these characters? In the way that it warns all those potential parents out there and plays on those common fears of family that most people don't conceptualize nearly as monstrous, it reminds me a lot of David Lynch's Eraserhead but in color and without all the sperm. No wait, scratch that.

Overall, it was very promising until the very last 15 minutes. I even liked some of the characters until the scene that proved to me all those sit-coms were right; sex really does screw everything up. It was at his point I wanted everybody to die. And yes, I did have a soft spot in my heart for baby Dren before this too.

Now for some random thoughts.

1. Dren reminds me so much of this guy. Same bald shiny head and random color changes throughout the movie. But more than that, it's the almost magical way that Dren just happens to avoid death by mutating at just the right moment. Falling off a roof? Bam! Here's some nice new wings for you. Daddy tries to drown you? Well the jokes on you Dad because Bam! Amphibian lungs can breathe under water. You're heart stops and they bury you? Nope still not dead. Daddy learns from his mistakes and stabs you through the gut? And... yeah. Still alive.


2. I'm glad they didn't make this in 3D because Adrien Brody's nose is huge.

3. Based on Adrien Brody's inability to kill defenseless little hybrid babies as evidenced by point #1 and the camouflage issues associated with #2, I don't hold out a whole lot of hope that he's going to survive the Predators reboot due out this week.

4. I will now always remember that tedious and outside use the same exact letters.

5. If you were ever in any doubt, that very last scene proves this is a Sundance movie seething with it's unmistakeable indieness.

6. Oh Diddly. Why do you do this to yourself? Don't you remember The Box?

Ok, seriously, this movie is much much better than The Box. Though it did end in disappointment, I am glad I saw it. It really was unlike anything I had seen before and that alone gives it major enjoyment points. It's a risk and that's part of what makes it fun. I say give it a try and then rewrite the ending for yourself. Honestly, as scientist mommy says, 'what's the worst that can happen?' but without all the ominous foreboding music that goes along with it.