There once was a Martian named Valentine Michael Smith.

I’ve been on a sci-fi kick for the past few weeks. Who am I kidding? I’ve been on a sci-fi kick my whole life. I feel like I just can’t get enough Heinlein or Asimov and that kind of sucks when our local library only has maybe five books of each. And what that really means is three hardcover copies of ‘Strangers in a Strange Land,’ one paperback copy of the same title, and the same copy of ‘Starship Troopers’ I read ten years ago for Heinlein. For Asimov, it might be a few ‘I, Robots’ and his guide on how to use a slide rule. By the way, what’s a slide rule? Of course they have the movies ‘Starship Troopers’ and ‘I, Robot,’ but what’s the use in that? But I’m sure I’ll be getting into the outrage that is the ‘I, Robot’ movie as I delve further into Asimov.

Anyways, I guess I’m lucky that I have the books that I do. I picked up most of them at an estate sale and while going through the things of their previous owner, I came to the conclusion that she used to be a teacher. In her memory, I had hoped to donate these books to the woefully inadequate sci-fi section of our library. Then I realized that would do no good because the library would just sell it out again for two quarters. That’s how I obtained my copy of Harlan Ellison’s adapted screenplay of Asimov’s ‘I, Robot,’ the version that should’ve been turned into a movie. I think I’d rather just give them twenty bucks instead.

But again, I digress. As I make my way through the Heinlein juveniles, I realize that Heinlein really is my favorite writer and he’s meant a lot to me in my life. So just thinking about it, I decided I want to name one of my future kids (you know, ten years down the road) after him. So one day I’m going to have a son named Anson, Heinlein’s middle name. It sounds nice, it’s rare, it’s not made up. Perfect, right? No. Not perfect. Not right. I realized a full week later that Anson is way too similar to my name, the American pronunciation of which is Mason. Hey look it’s Mason and Anson. It’s Dan and Ann. It’s Greg and Meg. It’s weird, right? It’s the same reason I couldn’t name my car Grayson, though he is the Robin to my Batman. So now I’m in a jam. My kid can’t possibly be sci-fi enough now. Do I name him Michael Valentine Smith from ‘Strangers?’ No, that’s stupid. Maybe if it's a girl I can name her Mimsy from 'Mimsy Were the Borogroves.' No. I'm only saying that because I just watched 'The Last Mimzy.' It might as well be Hook from 'Peter Pan.' Rod Serling from the Twilight Zone? Nah, I'm really much more of an Outer Limits fan. I know!

Cordwainer!

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